the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
