I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
