you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
