her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
