I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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