we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
