I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
