FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
