I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
