chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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