Tell her she can't have a vagina
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
