there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
