I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
