I cockslap morals
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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