this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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