somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i was born a porn star she said
I look better un-naked...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
