You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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