i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The uberlube is also flammable
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
