I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
