apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
