Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
