Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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