I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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