Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
FUCK WHALES
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
