I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
