You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I can't trust your balls anymore.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
