I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
