Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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