I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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