he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
