How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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