also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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