bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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