wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
