standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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