I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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