he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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