ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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