I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have fence marks all over my body
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
