Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
