real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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