I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
