id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
