how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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