I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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