ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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