she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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