Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
