Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
