Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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